Jacobvs

Python

cunt

"I wonder if you'd be able to speak more clearly if your parents were second cousins instead of first.",
        "I would call you a cunt, but you lack the warmth or the depth.",
        "I would rather be friends with Ajit Pai than you.",

Python

cunt

"We all dislike you, but not quite enough that we bother to think about you.",
        "Were you born a cunt, or is it something you have to commit yourself to every morning?",
        "When you die, people will struggle to think of nice things to say about you.",

Python

pissdick

"You have more dick in your personality than you do in your pants",
        "You have the face of a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle.",
        "You know they say 90% of dust is dead human skin? That's what you are to me.",

Python

pissfuckingpussy

"You're so salty you would sink in the Dead Sea",
        "You're so stupid you couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel",
        "You're such a pussy that fucking you wouldn't be gay.",

Python

pussy

"If you where any stupider we'd have to water you",
        "If you're dad wasn't so much of a pussy, he'd have come out of the closet before he had you.",
        "Jesus Christ it looks like your face was on fire and someone tried to put it out with an ice pick",

Python

pissfuckingpussy

"You're so stupid you couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel",
        "You're such a pussy that fucking you wouldn't be gay.",
        "Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the abortion clinic.",

Python

neckbeard

"I'm not mad. I'm just... disappointed.",
        "I've never met someone who's at once so thoughtless, selfish, and uncaring of other people's interests, "
        "while also having such lame and boring interests of his own. You don't have friends, because you shouldn't.",
        "I’m betting your keyboard is crusty from all that Cheeto-dust finger typing, you goddamn neckbeard. ",
        "If 'unenthusiastic handjob' had a face, your profile picture would be it.",
        "If there was a single intelligent thought in your head it would have died from loneliness.",
        "If you were a potato you'd be a stupid potato.",

Python

pussydouchebagfucking

"You're such a pussy that fucking you wouldn't be gay.",
        "Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the abortion clinic.",
        "Your memes are trash.",
        "Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn't what she meant."]
    return random.choice(roasts)